Good Thing He's Got That Face

Recently, as in a few hours ago, I thought that I really liked James Franco. This began with his role (mustache) in Milk. Then there was a great piece in the The New Yorker profiling his project with the MOCA and oddly "General Hospital."  He's a writer, good actor, his face is pretty, and he's a total weirdo. The theme of the day, nay, theme of my life is don't be surprised when a weirdo turns out to be weird. So I expected Franco to really bring some entertainment tonight when I watched his episode of "Inside the Actors' Studio." I was surprised to find that when he wasn't boring he was annoying. Even his answers to the ten Bernard Pivot questions asked by James Lipton were lame.* With every uninteresting answer he gave I thought about what would have been a better answer, and by that I mean mine. 

1. What is your favorite word? Squishy
2. What is your least favorite word? Pantyhose 
3. What turns you on?  A sense of humor
4. What turns you off? Insecurity and pessimism  
5. What sound or noise do you love? Accordion music (yes, really)
6. What sound or noise do you hate? Fingernails on denim
7. What is your favorite curse word? Ass ___(I fill in the blank liberally i.e. clown, hat, face)
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Scandinavian fisherman, this may be due mostly to a love of the sea and bulky sweaters. 
9. What profession would you not like to do? Taxidermist 
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?  Nicely played Adams! Then we would high five and go bowling with my grandmother. Apparently, in my mind God is The Dude. 

*He did give one, mildly funny answer to his favorite swear which was "shit burger."